Separating the Knot

I feel like the best thing I could have done was to separate myself from theknot.com. It was fun to have someplace to go where there were people planning their weddings at the same time that I was, but I really should have just quit cold turkey. The worst part was having all of those professional pictures shoved down my throat day after day, and knowing that not only did have have none of my own, I didn't have any pictures of that day that I liked. It's been a week since I have been there, and I already feel better about not having those professional pictures. I know that I will always regret it, but at least I feel like I am ready to move on.
I will still tell anyone who asks my opinion to not skimp on the photographer. Even if it means having to cut back in other places, it's worth it - I know that I would have rather had a photographer than a DJ, but how was I to know that at the time? Those memories are too important to not capture on film, and what I have to live with is looking at the snapshots that others took, and knowing that I didn't look as beautiful as I felt. I've said a few times since my wedding day that I am ugly when I am happy, and to look at any of those snapshots, you know I am right.

Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you've got;
Taking a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?

All those night when you've got no lights,
The check is in the mail;
And your little angel
Hung the cat up by it's tail;
And your third fiance didn't show;

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to be where you can see,
Our troubles are all the same;
You want to be where everybody knows your name.

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;
The morning's looking bright;
And your shrink ran off to Europe,
And didn't even write;
And your husband wants to be a girl;

Be glad there's one place in the world
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to go where people know,
People are all the same;
You want to go where everybody knows your name.

Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came...

Wedding Amnesia

I have never made it a secret that I hated that we didn't have a photographer. I've also never made it a secret that my wedding was the happiest day of my life. I hate that I don't have any pictures to help me remember that day.

Yes, I know that I still got to marry Jim. That hasn't changed. I will never regret it. What I do regret is that I don't remember it, and I don't have anything to help me look back and remember that day. I would trade anything else from that day for one picture that I love, and for one memory.

I've heard of brides who write wedding recaps to help them remember what their wedding day was like, but I don't remember enough to even do that. This sucks. I wish there was a way to remember.

I hear Kathlyn say that she just wants a "normal" life, and it makes me cringe.

But I know what she means, because I want one too.

Jim left at 7:00 this morning, and he won't be home until after 11:30 tonight. I'll be home the whole time. Ironically, I scheduled Tuesdays off so that we could spend time together, but instead, we don't see each other at all.

Why am I doing this again?