Confused again...

How can one dream take me from, "I think I'm starting to feel better," to "I feel like shit, and don't think I'm healing at all?"

The memory of that night is starting to take on a dreamlike quality. I no longer remember details easily, rather, I have to work to pull them out. My skin no longer remembers the feel of his touch, and I barely remember his face, yet I know I would recognize it in a sea of thousands.

Was it just a dream after all?

Healing

I don't stop breathing every time the phone rings.
My heart don't race when someone's at my door.
I've almost given up thinking you're ever gonna call.
I don't believe in magic anymore.
I just don't lie awake at night
Asking God to get you off my mind.

It's getting better all the time.

It's been two weeks

And for the rest of my life, I'll never understand how I went from this:

"Thanks for the test encouragement. Had a fantastic time with you as well! Didnt get much sleep last night.....wonder why. hehehe. Can't wait to see you Friday"

To this:

"I am not hinting at anything marie. I would just like to be alone."

In only two days.

I just don't get it. But I think I'm getting better. At least now I can read these messages without crying. Who knows? Maybe soon I'll be able to read them without hurting.

Again?

It's been a week now, and I still see him everywhere. This sucks.

Ross

John

Chris

Travis

Dave

Matt

..You're all just bricks in the wall..

I saw him today.


Wish I could have said something.

When there's nothing left to do, I write. I write like there's no tomorrow, no today, no yesterday. I write until it doesn't hurt anymore. Nothing lasts forever, neither does hurt. So I write. And I drink. And I cry. and the world continues to turn. And life goes on. Friendships are forged and ruined. Love is made and broken. WIth each season, my heart breaks a little more. Eventually it will shatter. And alone, I will find myself incapable of loving. What happens to people who can't love anymore? Do they wither and fade? Do they go crazy, trapped in the prision of their own mind? Does a broken heart still beat? No. Without love, a woman becomes like the snow - beautiful, sparkling, and untouchable. Ice water runs through my veins. My tears, icicles on my cheeks. My lips, the color of blueberries, something he wants to taste. He doesn't know that the blueberries are a frozen poison - for I truly have become an ice queen.

What hurts the most

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I (wanted) to do.