I don't know if you still read this. I should have listened to you.

What a difference a year makes

I'm inspired for some reason, to reflect on some of the things that are different from just a year ago.

It was only a year ago that I was feeling very much like I had let K and J down. I still feel like I let J down - I should have done so much more for him than I did, but at the time I was doing what I thought was best for him. I was so very wrong. I was worried that K was getting ready to move in with her dad. I was very wrong about that, too. The thing that surprises me the most about K from a year ago is that she has recognized that she needs help, and has not only asked me to help her get it outside of school, but she has started to utilize some of the resources that she has available to her at school. Her grades have started to improve, and I think that she is also starting to see that she will survive, even if she and the boyfriend don't.

It was only a year ago that I started to see some friendships decline. One in particular was surprising to lose, but I am beginning to understand how fragile that friendship was in the first place. She was (is) very spoiled, and throws a tantrum if things don't go her way. This is what happened to our relationship. I was not able to put my life on hold for her wedding, and she didn't like it. I was kicked out of her wedding party, and our relationship deteriorated quickly and severely from there. Now, she can't stand me enough to even be my Facebook friend, and I can't say that I'm unhappy about it. She has been a pretty toxic person to have in my life ever since we were very young. What surprises me the most about the loss of this friendship is that I am not particularly sad to see it end. I am particularly sad that I will never truly be away from the person because of the family relationship.

It was only a year ago that I finished my long-term sub position at an elementary school in the area. I was sad to leave the kids, and I still think about them sometimes, but I know I left them in very capable hands, even though I didn't think so at the time. I was terrified and didn't know what I was going to do next. What surprises me the most a year later is that I figured out what to do next, and I am really, really making it happen.

I wonder what will surprise me in another year.

Wherever You Are, Home Is Where the Heart Is

"Home" means many things to many different people. For some, home is a place where basic needs are addressed, and to others, home is a place from where they draw their strength and tranquility. For me, home is a place that is wholly linked to my family. Home is that place where Dad hung the tire swing. It's the site of countless picnics, and parties. I remember Dad never came inside until the animals were fed. Home is where Mom taught me to bake. It's the smell of tractor exhaust and dust and weeds. It's true that you can't go home again.