The memory of that night is starting to take on a dreamlike quality. I no longer remember details easily, rather, I have to work to pull them out. My skin no longer remembers the feel of his touch, and I barely remember his face, yet I know I would recognize it in a sea of thousands.
Was it just a dream after all?
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Healing
I don't stop breathing every time the phone rings.
My heart don't race when someone's at my door.
I've almost given up thinking you're ever gonna call.
I don't believe in magic anymore.
I just don't lie awake at night
Asking God to get you off my mind.
It's getting better all the time.
My heart don't race when someone's at my door.
I've almost given up thinking you're ever gonna call.
I don't believe in magic anymore.
I just don't lie awake at night
Asking God to get you off my mind.
It's getting better all the time.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
It's been two weeks
And for the rest of my life, I'll never understand how I went from this:
"Thanks for the test encouragement. Had a fantastic time with you as well! Didnt get much sleep last night.....wonder why. hehehe. Can't wait to see you Friday"
To this:
"I am not hinting at anything marie. I would just like to be alone."
In only two days.
I just don't get it. But I think I'm getting better. At least now I can read these messages without crying. Who knows? Maybe soon I'll be able to read them without hurting.
"Thanks for the test encouragement. Had a fantastic time with you as well! Didnt get much sleep last night.....wonder why. hehehe. Can't wait to see you Friday"
To this:
"I am not hinting at anything marie. I would just like to be alone."
In only two days.
I just don't get it. But I think I'm getting better. At least now I can read these messages without crying. Who knows? Maybe soon I'll be able to read them without hurting.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Monday, October 06, 2008
Friday, October 03, 2008
When there's nothing left to do, I write. I write like there's no tomorrow, no today, no yesterday. I write until it doesn't hurt anymore. Nothing lasts forever, neither does hurt. So I write. And I drink. And I cry. and the world continues to turn. And life goes on. Friendships are forged and ruined. Love is made and broken. WIth each season, my heart breaks a little more. Eventually it will shatter. And alone, I will find myself incapable of loving. What happens to people who can't love anymore? Do they wither and fade? Do they go crazy, trapped in the prision of their own mind? Does a broken heart still beat? No. Without love, a woman becomes like the snow - beautiful, sparkling, and untouchable. Ice water runs through my veins. My tears, icicles on my cheeks. My lips, the color of blueberries, something he wants to taste. He doesn't know that the blueberries are a frozen poison - for I truly have become an ice queen.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
What hurts the most
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I (wanted) to do.
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I (wanted) to do.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Maybe.....
Maybe a socialist economy wouldn't be so bad after all. It's defined as "An economic system in which the state determines production, distribution, and price decisions, and property is government owned."
Maybe not the part about property being government owned, but it wouldn't hurt my feelings any if they started making decisions about oil and it's production, distribution, and price decisions.
Not that I am going to run out and start a revolution. Great. Now I'll probably be listed as a socialist on some government "black list" and they'll assassinate me. If I die suddenly, you know where to look. ;-)
Blessings,
Marie
Maybe not the part about property being government owned, but it wouldn't hurt my feelings any if they started making decisions about oil and it's production, distribution, and price decisions.
Not that I am going to run out and start a revolution. Great. Now I'll probably be listed as a socialist on some government "black list" and they'll assassinate me. If I die suddenly, you know where to look. ;-)
Blessings,
Marie
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
You know, I don't mean to make people mad at me. I think I have a habit of getting excited about things for other people, and that upsets them. I was simply excited because the electricity had been turned on at that house. Instead of the reply I expected, I heard, "what are you going to do, spy on me?" It's a day later, and that comment still stings at the pit of my stomach, and still brings tears to my eyes. I was just excited.
Let the damn roses die.
Let the damn roses die.
Friday, June 20, 2008
The Voice of Reason
Sometimes I just need someone to remind me that not everything I do/am doing is wrong. I can thank Witz for being that person.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
If You're Going Through Hell
Well you know those times
When you feel like there's a sign there on your back
Says I don't mind if ya kick me
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You'd think they can't get worse than that
And then they do
You step off the straight and narrow
And you don't know where you are
Use the needle of your compass
To sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie
In a bottle of Jim Beam
And she lies to you
That's when you learn the truth
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Well I been deep down in that darkness
I been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons
Breathing fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I'd fall right into the trap that they were laying, yeah
But the good news
Is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holding out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one's that you've been dragginig for so long
You're on your knees
You maight as well be praying
Guess what I'm saying
If your going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, you might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there.
When you feel like there's a sign there on your back
Says I don't mind if ya kick me
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You'd think they can't get worse than that
And then they do
You step off the straight and narrow
And you don't know where you are
Use the needle of your compass
To sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie
In a bottle of Jim Beam
And she lies to you
That's when you learn the truth
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Well I been deep down in that darkness
I been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons
Breathing fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I'd fall right into the trap that they were laying, yeah
But the good news
Is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holding out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one's that you've been dragginig for so long
You're on your knees
You maight as well be praying
Guess what I'm saying
If your going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, you might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
It's a human sign
When things go wrong
When the scent of her lingers
And temptation's strong
Into the boundary
Of each married man
Sweet deceit comes calling
And negativity lands
Cold cold heart
Hard done by you
Some things look better baby
Just passing through
And it's no sacrifice
Just a simple word
It's two hearts living
In two separate worlds
But it's no sacrifice
No sacrifice
It's no sacrifice at all
Mutual misunderstanding
After the fact
Sensitivity builds a prison
In the final act
We lose direction
No stone unturned
No tears to damn you
When jealousy burns
Cold cold heart
Hard done by you
Some things look better baby
Just passing through
And it's no sacrifice
Just a simple word
It's two hearts living
In two separate worlds
But it's no sacrifice
No sacrifice
It's no sacrifice at all
No sacrifice at all.
When things go wrong
When the scent of her lingers
And temptation's strong
Into the boundary
Of each married man
Sweet deceit comes calling
And negativity lands
Cold cold heart
Hard done by you
Some things look better baby
Just passing through
And it's no sacrifice
Just a simple word
It's two hearts living
In two separate worlds
But it's no sacrifice
No sacrifice
It's no sacrifice at all
Mutual misunderstanding
After the fact
Sensitivity builds a prison
In the final act
We lose direction
No stone unturned
No tears to damn you
When jealousy burns
Cold cold heart
Hard done by you
Some things look better baby
Just passing through
And it's no sacrifice
Just a simple word
It's two hearts living
In two separate worlds
But it's no sacrifice
No sacrifice
It's no sacrifice at all
No sacrifice at all.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Book Thingy pt 2
I did this one a couple of years ago, and it was fun, so I'm doing it again. God, how boring am I that I am repeating posts?
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog
From The 5th Horseman by James Patterson:
"I had my keys in hand, about to open the front door, when I heard Martha's distinctive bark coming from OUTSIDE the house!
It couldn't be, because it made no sense.
Was I crazy, or had Martha somehow slipped out the door when I left this morning for the funeral?"
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog
From The 5th Horseman by James Patterson:
"I had my keys in hand, about to open the front door, when I heard Martha's distinctive bark coming from OUTSIDE the house!
It couldn't be, because it made no sense.
Was I crazy, or had Martha somehow slipped out the door when I left this morning for the funeral?"
Friday, January 04, 2008
My Stripper Song
I come up with the weirdest crap sometimes:
Your Stripper Song Is |
 Closer by Nine Inch Nails "You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you Help me I broke apart my insides, help me IÃve got no Soul to tell" When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy. |
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Reflections on 2007
It hardly seems like it's been a year since I posted "Reflections on 2006," but here I am again.
2007 started out very slowly for me. January and February were really quiet for me, even though I turned 30 in February, and it was celebrated by a surprise party thrown for my by my mom. It was wonderful. Allison, Joe, Steph, BJ, Aunt Mimi, Uncle Bill, Jess, John, Marsha, Jenn, Richelle, and Ian were all there. It was a very special night.
March brought me a new hobby: geocaching. Even though I didn't know it at the time, geocaching would help shape the rest of the year.
May brought on the end of another work season, and the end of another semester.
June and July brought on several camping trips, including one notable one, during which I became close friends with several people, the most important being MrCOgeo (KØAWN) and NØWAE, who introduced me to ham radio. I passed the test on September 13, and was issued my call sign and license on September 19.
Also in June, I went on my first ever 4x4 trip with MrCOgeo and his father. It was an amazing experience, and I can't wait to do it again.
September was also a very sad time for me, as I said goodbye to Jenn when she moved back to Corpus Christi, TX for grad school. I fear that I may never see her again, but pray that I do.
As the wheel continuted to turn, so came October and another new friend. Dave and I "clicked" the first time we met, and we've continued to grow closer as the year has moved on.
In November, I went back to work, and discovered something really important about myself: I cannot have a career in Social Services. The things I've seen this year (most of them too horrible to mention) have really turned me against it.
December came with the usual hustle and bustle of the holidays. It was a little easier to celebrate Christmas this year, even without Aunt Barb. I believe that even though her presence will be missed, each year will be easier and easier.
Throughout the year, I continued my stonework, and I have become stronger with it. I've become better at recognizing the different stones and what their properties are, and what they mean for me.
I never was really able to rekindle my passion for dancing, even though I tried several times. I think that perhaps dancing was a way to heal, and once I was healed, I no longer had any use for it.
I am very excited for 2008, and the changes that I know it will bring. 2008 is gonna be great!!
Much Love,
Marie
2007 started out very slowly for me. January and February were really quiet for me, even though I turned 30 in February, and it was celebrated by a surprise party thrown for my by my mom. It was wonderful. Allison, Joe, Steph, BJ, Aunt Mimi, Uncle Bill, Jess, John, Marsha, Jenn, Richelle, and Ian were all there. It was a very special night.
March brought me a new hobby: geocaching. Even though I didn't know it at the time, geocaching would help shape the rest of the year.
May brought on the end of another work season, and the end of another semester.
June and July brought on several camping trips, including one notable one, during which I became close friends with several people, the most important being MrCOgeo (KØAWN) and NØWAE, who introduced me to ham radio. I passed the test on September 13, and was issued my call sign and license on September 19.
Also in June, I went on my first ever 4x4 trip with MrCOgeo and his father. It was an amazing experience, and I can't wait to do it again.
September was also a very sad time for me, as I said goodbye to Jenn when she moved back to Corpus Christi, TX for grad school. I fear that I may never see her again, but pray that I do.
As the wheel continuted to turn, so came October and another new friend. Dave and I "clicked" the first time we met, and we've continued to grow closer as the year has moved on.
In November, I went back to work, and discovered something really important about myself: I cannot have a career in Social Services. The things I've seen this year (most of them too horrible to mention) have really turned me against it.
December came with the usual hustle and bustle of the holidays. It was a little easier to celebrate Christmas this year, even without Aunt Barb. I believe that even though her presence will be missed, each year will be easier and easier.
Throughout the year, I continued my stonework, and I have become stronger with it. I've become better at recognizing the different stones and what their properties are, and what they mean for me.
I never was really able to rekindle my passion for dancing, even though I tried several times. I think that perhaps dancing was a way to heal, and once I was healed, I no longer had any use for it.
I am very excited for 2008, and the changes that I know it will bring. 2008 is gonna be great!!
Much Love,
Marie
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Almost Content
This is the first Christmas in a long time that I've not felt unhappy. Despite the snow and the weather, Christmas was really great this year.
But it still feels like something is missing.
But it still feels like something is missing.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Why Size Matters
Someday she wants a big ol' house
Sittin' on a big ol' hill
And a mile long tree lined driveway
For her big ol' Coupe DeVille
Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' bank account
With too much to spend
But right now all she wants is a man
With a big ol' heart
Who can love her like nobody can
Big ol' kisses that go on and on
And never end
With a big ol' smile
He'll fill her world with laughter
Size matters
Size matters
Someday she wants a big ol' ring
With a big ol' rock that shines
And a big ol' walk-in closet
With shoes of every kind
Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' boat
She can lay around gettin' a tan
But right now all she wants is a man
With a big ol' heart
Who can love her like nobody can
Big ol' kisses that go on and on
And never end
With a big ol' smile
He'll fill her world with laughter
Size matters
Size matters
With a big ol' heart
Who can love her like nobody can
Big ol' kisses that go on and on
And never end
With a big ol' smile
He'll fill her world with laughter
Size matters
Size matters
Size matters
Sittin' on a big ol' hill
And a mile long tree lined driveway
For her big ol' Coupe DeVille
Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' bank account
With too much to spend
But right now all she wants is a man
With a big ol' heart
Who can love her like nobody can
Big ol' kisses that go on and on
And never end
With a big ol' smile
He'll fill her world with laughter
Size matters
Size matters
Someday she wants a big ol' ring
With a big ol' rock that shines
And a big ol' walk-in closet
With shoes of every kind
Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' boat
She can lay around gettin' a tan
But right now all she wants is a man
With a big ol' heart
Who can love her like nobody can
Big ol' kisses that go on and on
And never end
With a big ol' smile
He'll fill her world with laughter
Size matters
Size matters
With a big ol' heart
Who can love her like nobody can
Big ol' kisses that go on and on
And never end
With a big ol' smile
He'll fill her world with laughter
Size matters
Size matters
Size matters
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